Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
