i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
