brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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