Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
