And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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