I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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