I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
