I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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