I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
