new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
