you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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