Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
