you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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