Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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