i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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