i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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