strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
