It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
