Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
