i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
