I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize