It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
