I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
