Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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