We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was like eating out sand paper
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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