Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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