Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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