I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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