Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
