I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dear god my vagina.
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