it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
