So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
