dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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