How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
