I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
