You can't motorboat a personality
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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