You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would ride that face into the sunset
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
