I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
