Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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