god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
