Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
