two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
