fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
