I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
