So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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