Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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