I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
