I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
only if we run a train.
done.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
