If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You don't make any sense
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