her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
