He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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