Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
