the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
