I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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