I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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