Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize