the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
