Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
