fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
