Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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