Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
