I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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