My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
