And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
