He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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