guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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