my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
