If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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