VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
