Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
